Leaving Paradise
Dear Tyler,

We’ve been friends ever since I was a baby. Ever since I met you i’ve liked you. It became fairly obvious that I had the biggest crush on you. Sometimes I wonder why I like you, considering you’re somewhat mean to me. But in my eyes you’re an angel that can do no wrong. You’re absolutely perfect in every way possible. You intimidate me like crazy and when i’m around you I say the stupidest shit and beat myself up for it. It’s always been complicated between us; I can never tell if you like me or not. Sometimes I wish it was just that simple, but it isn’t. You’re practically family in my household and that makes it harder. I know i’ll never be what you want and it breaks my heart. It’s not that i’m too skinny or too fat; it’s because i’m me and i’m never going to be good enough. I’m the fourteen-year-old girl that you’ve known for a majority of your life that has a crush on you. I don’t even think it’s a crush anymore. I think i’m in love with you. I’d do anything to please you and when i’m with you I can’t keep my eyes off of you. You give me these butterflies that make me squeal to myself whenever you’re not around. I wish I could say this to your face, but I can’t because I already know our fate: You’re not going to love me back. You’re not going to like me back let alone love me. It breaks my heart knowing all of my love is going to waste. I wish i could stop but i can’t. I don’t see you all year and it feels okay, but once you appear in front of my doorstep, all the feelings come rushing back and it hits me; i love this boy. I wish I could change the role I play in your life but I can’t. I’ll never be the one you want to kiss or spend time with. I’m always going to be your last resort. I want to tell you this in the worst way but i’m trying to avoid the heartbreak; although the fact that you don’t know breaks my heart too. You’re going to be a senior this year and soon you won’t even think about me. You probably don’t think about me now but still. I can’t stop thinking about you. Every time you hug me I cherish it with everything. I keep telling myself that the only way you will want me is if I sleep with you. And it’s true for the most part. The only reason I want to sleep with you is because It’ll give me the chance to pretend that you actually love me. And afterwards i’ll hate myself even more for letting you use me. I wish I could be the one you want to take to prom and spend the rest of your life with, but I never will be. If i were to confess my love to you, this is what it would say. But unfortunately i’m not that strong enough to be let down by the only person I actually loved. 


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